If you've been as long in the tooth in the corporate/ professional world as I have, you'd have faced your fair share of rejections - whether it be in job interviews or sales pitches or even making human connections with your colleagues in the work place.
If you're deeply analytical of your missteps (or some would say 'anal') you're bound to run a play-by-play of what happened. Did you say the wrong things, was your tie out of place or did you just not give the right vibes. Hand-wringing as much as I have, I've come upon the realization that just like human, outside-of-work relationships, in the professional world, the Law of Attraction has a major role to play as to whether your interview answers or your sales spiel resonnated with the party you're hoping to get a nod from.
Digging deeper, realize one fact - your skills, experience and background are pretty one-dimensional. Like words on a page, you can either spin a masterful tale of your achievements or paint a compelling picture of what makes you (or your company) the right candidate for the job. A lot of people talk about pre-qualifying - about auto-bots that screen keywords in an application to the right syntax on your resume landing you a scond glance from an over-burdened HR department to a bid-qualification sheet that checks the boxes for your selection. All of that is true. This post is not about making the first cut. That's a given, a hygiene factor in your submission, the entrance fee to the dance. My contention is that in order for the next round of down-selection or elimination to take place, human dynamics takes over and then things turn...well, very touchy-feely.
The bigger the stakes get, the closer to the finish line you are, the more human the decision-making process gets. And at the heart of that process lies the 'law of attraction'. When I sell myself or my company's services to a client, it boils down to whether I strike a chord with the human buyer of the services and whether he can truly answer the question 'Can I work with this person? Is this somebody I empathize with, who shares my values and my beliefs and at the end of the day - can I be trapped in an elevator with him confident of the company and the comfort that he's got my back?' This is the crux of the law of attraction - am I attracted to this person in front of me?
HR, executive and sales coaches make a living advising on the law of attraction. How do you make yourself more endearing, more personable, more likeable and therefore a more acceptable choice to the decision-maker.There are tons of seminars focused on identifying hot-buttons and capitalizing on sacred principles. And no, this post isn't even about that.
Where I'm hoping to lead you, is that regardless of how conniving you are (harsh term deliberately used here), you're bound to lose some interactions. I've reached the conclusion that no matter how hard I beat myself up about the outcome - I wish I hadn't said what I said, maybe I should have toned down my message, and no matter how hard I practice and rehearse the next time - I still am not going to be everything for everyone.
And that's the bottom line of this post. The law of attraction is real. But it is based upon the human decision making of the economic buyer (the hiring manager, the client executive). By virtue of being a human decision, it is purely based upon the dynamic between 2 individuals which is a completely random result. Just because you didnt get selected because of this law of attraction doesn't make you any less competent, any less experienced. It just happened to be a human dynamic that was not meant to be.
The reality of the situation is, there's no way getting around the law of attraction. If the decision maker selects you inspite of a wishy-washy feeling about you, the interaction is bound to be rocky resulting in a premature demise. I've experienced a lot of interactions that started off less than stellar and then eventually fizzled, because there wasn't a strong basis of attraction (or good vibes) to build upon. My detractors will try to say that you can eventually turn a not-so-good situation around and I'd agree that there are variations to the norm. But I maintain that for an interaction to be sustainable, it has to have a strong foundation.
Now for the feel-good message. Every time I've feel bad about an outcome that didn't go my way, I ask myself - "Was I being myself? Did I answer the questions based on what I believed? Did I represent myself realistically and more important - truthfully?' And when I answer in the affirmative, I tell myself - well then maybe this wasn't meant to be. And if I had pushed it to be, maybe it wouldn't last. This isn't sour-grapes. I've had deals (and jobs) where I've gone into undecided and unsure. And they haven't lasted.
My mantra now is to be the most honest (and respectful) counterpart I can be in any sales situation. I represent myself honestly, answer the questions based upon what I believe and let the chips fall where they have to. I don't base my self-esteem on where the ultimate decision falls, I just realize that this is a human decision based upon where the law of attraction landed between me and my decision-making counterpart. And that the decision is best for both parties and sets up my decision-maker for success that he can own and stand behind.
I am a sum total of experiences, background and qualifications and most importantly, values, culture, beliefs and opinions. That total package appeals to a lot of individuals and turns some people off. That doesn't make me less attractive (to use the moniker). It just brings to light that no matter how hard you try, you won't appeal to all. But if you are true in your representation, and you do get selected, you can be comfortable in the knowledge that the interaction is destined for great things because you and your counterpart have pre-determined success based upon the law of attraction.